Letting Go of Mom Guilt
I speak from experience when I say, don’t rush this time. As much as it is chaotic and exhausting and difficult at times, it goes so quickly and you will miss these days. I am very sorry to be cliché but it is so true. I have a college student, a high school senior and a soon to be middle schooler. I miss the days when they were all together in my house, eating all my food, tripping me with their long legs and driving me crazy with their questions. I even miss them arguing with each other (okay – just a teeny bit). A couple of years ago I would have given anything to go to the bathroom in peace. Now, I would give anything to hear all three children clamoring for attention at once.
Focus on the little humans they are. You have a front row seat to watching their little personalities develop. Their likes and dislikes, their talents and abilities. Each child is so different. They will learn what interests them, what motivates them, what are they passionate about? As they are learning these things about themselves, you are the one that has the opportunity to guide them.
Stay present with them in the day to day life. It will take all of your patience at times, you will have to take lots of deep breaths, and there will be days that you may count to ten (or one hundred) multiple times. Stay present anyway. Listen to all of their words. They will talk in circles, they will tell you a story with the weirdest amount of detail, but keep listening. My mom gave me great advice. She said, “when you are in the car – listen” Keep listening even when you want them to get to the point, finish the story and let you think a single thought. Keep listening. I followed my mom’s advice and I am so glad. My children talk to me even now. My sons share their hearts with me. They open up about what they think and feel. I took my oldest son to dinner one night and I could have cried happy tears as he sat there and poured his heart out about his classes, his girlfriend struggles, his questions about life, his concern about what might happen as he serves in the military. He talked so much that his food started to get cold and the waiter panicked that something was wrong. It was wonderful. The payoff is children that will truly share their life with you.
Take time for yourself. These days are hard. Give yourself permission to feel the frustration that comes with raising children. None of us are superwomen, but there is a pressure that we all put on ourselves to be one. Make sure to spend time with other women who are struggling, right along with you, to balance all of the big life stuff. Ease up on feeling the guilt and realize that it is really okay. Do you love your children? Do you want what is best for them? Then you are already doing great.
Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Once you have eased up on yourself, you’ve stopped to breathe in the precious moments of childhood now you can make good decisions for you and your family without guilt. Don’t be afraid to ask your partner for help. If you realize that your family needs a third partner in the parenting team, then call us. We are here to help you. Georgia’s Dream Nannies can get you the best household assistance so that you and your family can begin to enjoy life and your time together.